I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
