My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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