Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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