Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
