So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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