After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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