Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
