she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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