I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
