I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
