I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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