Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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