so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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