That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
