This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
