the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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