I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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