Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
