she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
