I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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