I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's never too late to be topless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
