I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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