I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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