Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
