I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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