So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
