Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
