Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
