just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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