I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Less talking, more tequila
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
