Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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