The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
