hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
