I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
