Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
