Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
