I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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