i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
