just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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