Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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