i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
