Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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