youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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