Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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