did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
