I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
