thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and i looked up. we had an audience...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
