No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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