Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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