my shit smells like andre
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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