woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
