yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
