White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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