Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
