Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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