we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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