i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
