Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
