How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
