I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
