AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
