I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
