They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
