Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
