Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
