i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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