Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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