Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
