she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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