My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
