Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
