How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
false alarm, still single
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
